Just writing the subject of this blog reminds me of the Russell Peter's joke - Chinese people and Indian people cannot do business together. Going off tangent, if you are somehow oblivious of who Russell Peter is or what joke I am referring to, then as a big Russell Peter fan (who will sit only at the back in his live shows.. you will understand why once you see few of his clips on youtube), you need to stop everything that you are doing and watch this clip on youtube.
Ok! Now returning back to what I wanted to share..
The other day, I was driving.. wait.. driving probably brings a different image in mind. Let me rephrase. I was dragging my jeep at a snail's pace to the airport, where I had a flight to catch. I had calculated half hour of being stuck in jam, fifteen minutes of time at car rental, fifteen minutes of shuttle time to the terminal, fifteen minutes of security check-in, fifteen minutes of 'ladies' break and grabbing a cup of coffee. And BAM! one hour thirty minutes later... to be at the gate ready for boarding. If this sounds annoyingly neurotic, it is. I face the double whammy of being a consultant who sells her soul at hourly basis (in my world time means everything) and being brought up by a dad who always made sure you reached the party before the host (my DNA has a clock with a loud alarm installed in it).
Anyway! There I was. On 101. Cruising along at a 10mph. Within my schedule of 30 minutes for driving. When I glanced down at my feet for the minutest of second coz I felt something and BOOM I had hit the SUV in front with my JEEP. So there I was. Shocked at how I managed to do that at THAT speed. The good person that I am, I pull over at the side of the freeway to meet the other driver. The driver who steps out of the SUV is a Chinese origin woman.
In my defense it was easy for me to keep moving on and not pull up my vehicle on side. But, I did the right thing. I pulled over. Politely apologised, but this woman pulls out her mobile and calls her husband. She is talking in Mandarin. I can tell my her expressions, her husband is asking to haggle. Holding her mobile in one hand against her ear, she asks me "how much you give?" not what my insurance is, but how much will I pay for the damages caused by my absent-mindedness? At that moment, I had Russell Peter whispering the words of caution in my ears "Chinese want every penny and Indians want to keep every penny".
Dont judge me. I didnt want to go through the whole mess of insurance companies and rental car companies calling me. I knew whether I thought 'bargaining' was beneath me or whether I was too cool to ever bargain, this was not the moment to think that. My Indian 'bargaining' DNA charged up. I deliberately quoted an amount lower than I thought she will accept. I knew she is going to quote 4 times as much. And I was not disappointed she did!
SIGH!! Incase you havent focussed so far.. This is where I was bringing my story to - The 'expected' sterotype behavior! (Flash rewind for the un-focussed: 1) the ever calculating consultant behavior 2) the absent minded lady driver 3) Wanting-my-every-penny Chinese 4) Not-willing-to-give-a-cent-more-than-I-have to Indian)
We are constantly told 'sterotyping' is bad. It can lead to quick judgements based on preconceived notions without full understanding of the person, the circumstance or the context. At the other end, it can be painful or insulting for a person to be victimised based on the generalization of the group i.e. race, country, gender he/she belongs to.
Bottom line - No one likes to be part of the quintessential sterotype group. Then why is it that we cant break the pattern of the sterotype behavior? Why is it that despite our denials, we are everything good and bad of the sterotype group we belong to and we cant seem to 'break the bad'? Why is that I knew she will ask me 4 times the asking price?
I dont just mean Indians or Chinese who cant 'break the bad',but all sterotype groups. It could be a 'Lady drivers cant drive', 'Germans cannot understand a joke', 'Americans dont know anything about rest of the world', 'Irish are drunk', 'Immigrants cant speak proper English', 'Lawyers only care about money', 'English are sarcastic', 'French are snobs', 'Men cant cry', 'Doctors dont know anything outside the world of medicine', 'Mom-in-laws hate you'
All articles that I have read about sterotypes have been written from the point of view of the 'victim'. We are constantly told to judge the specific individual and the circumstances and not base our judgement on the generalization of the group that the individulal belongs to.
I am writing/asking from the point of view of the person who is judging and making an opinion under the circumstances where the information is limited to her understanding of the sterotype group the other person belongs to. All I am asking is - How do I manage a situation when the sterotype is not willing to break the bad and the Chinese DO want every penny and the Indian want to keep every penny.
************
ps- Incase you are wondering, we finally settled on an amount that I was willing to pay. But I made her work her way down to that amount to make her feel she won. Small victory for both our sterotypes! Since I had not calculated the time for getting into an accident and haggling with a Chinese lady, I reached the security check point 20 minutes before take-off huffing and puffing and managed to keep my record of never missing a flight.
Ok! Now returning back to what I wanted to share..
The other day, I was driving.. wait.. driving probably brings a different image in mind. Let me rephrase. I was dragging my jeep at a snail's pace to the airport, where I had a flight to catch. I had calculated half hour of being stuck in jam, fifteen minutes of time at car rental, fifteen minutes of shuttle time to the terminal, fifteen minutes of security check-in, fifteen minutes of 'ladies' break and grabbing a cup of coffee. And BAM! one hour thirty minutes later... to be at the gate ready for boarding. If this sounds annoyingly neurotic, it is. I face the double whammy of being a consultant who sells her soul at hourly basis (in my world time means everything) and being brought up by a dad who always made sure you reached the party before the host (my DNA has a clock with a loud alarm installed in it).
Anyway! There I was. On 101. Cruising along at a 10mph. Within my schedule of 30 minutes for driving. When I glanced down at my feet for the minutest of second coz I felt something and BOOM I had hit the SUV in front with my JEEP. So there I was. Shocked at how I managed to do that at THAT speed. The good person that I am, I pull over at the side of the freeway to meet the other driver. The driver who steps out of the SUV is a Chinese origin woman.
In my defense it was easy for me to keep moving on and not pull up my vehicle on side. But, I did the right thing. I pulled over. Politely apologised, but this woman pulls out her mobile and calls her husband. She is talking in Mandarin. I can tell my her expressions, her husband is asking to haggle. Holding her mobile in one hand against her ear, she asks me "how much you give?" not what my insurance is, but how much will I pay for the damages caused by my absent-mindedness? At that moment, I had Russell Peter whispering the words of caution in my ears "Chinese want every penny and Indians want to keep every penny".
Dont judge me. I didnt want to go through the whole mess of insurance companies and rental car companies calling me. I knew whether I thought 'bargaining' was beneath me or whether I was too cool to ever bargain, this was not the moment to think that. My Indian 'bargaining' DNA charged up. I deliberately quoted an amount lower than I thought she will accept. I knew she is going to quote 4 times as much. And I was not disappointed she did!
SIGH!! Incase you havent focussed so far.. This is where I was bringing my story to - The 'expected' sterotype behavior! (Flash rewind for the un-focussed: 1) the ever calculating consultant behavior 2) the absent minded lady driver 3) Wanting-my-every-penny Chinese 4) Not-willing-to-give-a-cent-more-than-I-have to Indian)
We are constantly told 'sterotyping' is bad. It can lead to quick judgements based on preconceived notions without full understanding of the person, the circumstance or the context. At the other end, it can be painful or insulting for a person to be victimised based on the generalization of the group i.e. race, country, gender he/she belongs to.
Bottom line - No one likes to be part of the quintessential sterotype group. Then why is it that we cant break the pattern of the sterotype behavior? Why is it that despite our denials, we are everything good and bad of the sterotype group we belong to and we cant seem to 'break the bad'? Why is that I knew she will ask me 4 times the asking price?
I dont just mean Indians or Chinese who cant 'break the bad',but all sterotype groups. It could be a 'Lady drivers cant drive', 'Germans cannot understand a joke', 'Americans dont know anything about rest of the world', 'Irish are drunk', 'Immigrants cant speak proper English', 'Lawyers only care about money', 'English are sarcastic', 'French are snobs', 'Men cant cry', 'Doctors dont know anything outside the world of medicine', 'Mom-in-laws hate you'
All articles that I have read about sterotypes have been written from the point of view of the 'victim'. We are constantly told to judge the specific individual and the circumstances and not base our judgement on the generalization of the group that the individulal belongs to.
I am writing/asking from the point of view of the person who is judging and making an opinion under the circumstances where the information is limited to her understanding of the sterotype group the other person belongs to. All I am asking is - How do I manage a situation when the sterotype is not willing to break the bad and the Chinese DO want every penny and the Indian want to keep every penny.
************
ps- Incase you are wondering, we finally settled on an amount that I was willing to pay. But I made her work her way down to that amount to make her feel she won. Small victory for both our sterotypes! Since I had not calculated the time for getting into an accident and haggling with a Chinese lady, I reached the security check point 20 minutes before take-off huffing and puffing and managed to keep my record of never missing a flight.
